girlfriend shopping on the bus

i felt a bit like a commodity this morning. i got on the bus to go to work, sat by the window in an empty 2-seat... as had about 12 other women. yeah. at a glance, i'm pretty sure they were all women.

so picture the bus, 2 seats on each side of the aisles, with all the window seats filled by stunningly beautifully glamorous women like me. ;)

next stop.

a very tall, long-haired man in a red jacket gets on. a dirty jacket. a dirty man. unshaven, hair a bit dreddy.
he pays. bus starts moving. he slowly but surely roams towards us. all of us. no sense of urgency usually seen in someone trying to plant their ass in a seat before the bus gets going too quickly to maneuver on foot...

walks slowly up the aisle. sizing us up. at this point, i'm reading, so my peripheral is all i've got to work with. but it's sufficient... sufficient enough to see that he's checking us all out. perhaps the one he sits by today will accept his odd overtures of love at first sight, by returning a comment in response to his mention of the cereal he just ate.

her hair's too big. she's shallow.
her coat looks like something from goodwill. she's cheap.
and he gets to me. and i'm SURE he's going to choose me. all cuted up in my white knit hat, blue scarf, red gloves, black jacket and homemade scrabble earrings, intently reading, proving i'm literate.

and he passes me by! and for a second, i don't know if i'm relieved or insulted.

i decide neither.

22 seconds later, he comes back up the aisle to sit in the front. guess none of us were good enough to be his bus girlfriend.

hmm... i think the book about autism that i'm reading is jading my perception... or my perception. can't figure out which one...